A Woman With a Purpose

This last week has been a complete blur. If you ask me what I did last Monday, I would stand there looking at you blankly. Honestly, the only thing I can answer about this last week is that we all managed to stay fed and clothed and that my house stayed in some semblance of order.  Now ask me what my baby did, I can go on about that endlessly. She learned to pull her self up on furniture and how to lower herself down. She learned how to play hide and seek, and how to open the cupboards. She learned how to really turn pages in a book well. She sat for 25 minutes one day to "read" books with me. She learned how to drink out of a straw. She figured out how to pull down the curtains in her room. She said "Hi" and "Hey" for the first times. She got scared of the vacuum cleaner. She crawl "chased" the kitty, and played with the dogs. She fell asleep in her hiking back pack one day while I was out watering my horses, because she refused to nap in her crib. She cried often as she bumped her head, her bottom, her elbow, her knees when she flopped down, tired from standing so long. She also laughed a lot as we played endless amounts of "Patty Cake" and "Peek a Boo", and "Kiss me or I'll tickle you". She was busy, therefore, I was busy. This is the life of a stay at home mom. There are days and weeks like last week, which quite honestly I do not remember anything that I did for myself. Where I spend all day making sure that my little one doesn't get into trouble as she masters all of these new skills. They are days where I will collapse into bed thinking about what to make for breakfast the next day, even though I am completely worn out from today. Days like this can wear on a person and make you forget your purpose. They exhaust you and They make you ask yourself, "Where am I going?" "Why did I spend all of that time in college to 'only' be a stay at home mom"? "What is my purpose?" "Do I even have a 'purpose' any more?" I know that we can all relate. We all have at one point or another wondered "What is my purpose"?

I am so thankful that I dived into Beth Moore's Jesus: 90 Days With the One and Only for this season of my life. HIS life, was truly a life with a purpose, and one I can learn from. I learned so much about Jesus this week as I dove into the scriptures with this study. From my time in the scriptures in the last 7 days, Jesus just feels so much more real to me than I have allowed Him to be in a while. Like a long time best friend that you have thought about often, but just never got around to catching up with. It was nice to catch up with Him again and to be reminded that He WANTS to spend every minute of every day with me.

I was incredibly fascinated with the lessons this week on Mary, the mother of Jesus. If there ever was a woman who had a purpose she was  not aware of, it was Mary. There were just so many truths that God spoke to my heart this week through her story. The first one is found in Luke 1:35-37. After the angel tells her she will conceive Jesus, she asks the angel "How will the be, since I am a virgin?" The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So teh holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative in is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail." Shortly after, Mary went to visit her cousin Elizabeth who tells her in verse 45, "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!". 

As I read these scriptures I was reminded that God very specifically called me to this purpose of being a stay at home mom. He placed the desire on my heart, but I fought it. Even though all of the scriptures I read during this time reminded me not to worry, that God would take care of us, I did not know how we could afford it. The budget looked OK but there would be no wiggle room. I was praying about it while I was pregnant with my daughter. I asked Him for signs. While God does not always answer us specifically how we ask Him to, this one time for me He did. He specifically placed other stay at home moms in my life, and friends and mentors to tell me the blessings they had experienced as they reared their children from home. He placed people in my life, complete strangers, who told me stories about how they regretted they never stayed home with their babies. People came up to me at grocery stores, and while I was at doctor's offices. I have to say, I didn't finally make my decision until I had that baby girl in my arms though. That is when I answered God's call in my heart. I began to trust God that he would indeed keep his promises and take care of us. And He has! About a week after I called work to tell them I was not coming back, my husband got a small pay raise. While this is truly a blessing, it is small in comparison to all of the other many blessings which have been poured out from heaven onto us. 

I started reading the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis this week as well. Yet again, it is another way God has answered this cry of my heart to feel "purposeful" in what I am doing right now. I am only 5 chapters in and yet God has just used this book to smooth a healing balm over my fears and worries that I do not have a purpose. Katie Davis is a young missionary in Uganda who gave up literally everything about her American life when she graduated high school and set out to accomplish the purpose God set out for her. In her book she talks about how hard it was. How much contradiction her new role held for her. How, for a while her family was very displeased with her choices, and tried to convince her to come home and go to college. She talks about how even though she missed everything about home and her former life, she felt as though she had "finally come home" once she got to Uganda. She had an inner peace and joy which could only come from the knowledge that she was completely doing the Lord's will for her. She writes, "I was in the center of Gods will; I was doing what I was supposed to do." After starting up an organization to raise funds to pay the fee's to send over 100 children from the village to school, a parent of one of these children asked her "Why?" Her answer was wonderful. She writes, "Because the Lord who created you loves you. Because He created you for a purpose and he wants you to fulfill that purpose. Because the God who knows every hair on your head desires to lift you out of this dust and into his glory.".

"Because he created you for a purpose and he wants you to fulfill that purpose." That was the line that just filled in that God sized hole I had in my heart this week about feeling purposeless. My purpose as a mother is a divine calling. My purpose as a wife is a divine role. They are not meaningless like the world wants me to think. No one else can take care of my family the way that I can. No one else can encourage my husband in his difficult job of providing for us the way that I can. No one else can teach my baby girl about the Love that Jesus has for her the way that I can. No one can pray for my family, the way that I can. Through Christ, because of Christ, all of these run-on days, have GREAT purpose. 

Each life has a divine purpose laid out for it. Every person has a plan from God that they are destined to fulfill. While I have been called to be a stay at home mom, this may not be everyone's journey. Your journey is completely your own. That is the wonderful thing about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We don't have to be the same as someone else. We don't have to compare ourselves to other super moms, missionaries or working moms. Our plan is unique how we are unique in the Lord.  

I will close with another lesson I learned from Mary. Our unique purpose from God is a gift, but it may not be easy. In fact, because of the state of the world we live in, I can guarantee it will be hard to accomplish. The way we make it feel easier is by giving thanks to God every step of the way. Mary did this with a beautiful song that we can read like a poem in Luke 1:46-55. My favorite verses are these, "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me - holy is his name." How often along the way of doing the Lord's will do we have a joyful heart? How often do we go about our day mumbling and complaining about what it is that God has asked us to do? Wouldn't our day's just seem so much brighter if we offered up praises to God instead? 

I am excited about this next week. While I know that I will probably be singing countless renditions of The Ants Go Marching, Jesus Loves Me, and Patty Cake, it will be so worth it. Because at the end of the day, that little girl will know that she is loved, and that Jesus does in fact, love Her. Because of Jesus reminding me that I have a divine purpose as a mother, I am setting out to enjoy every minute this week. I am striving to praise God for every second of laughter and every tear shed this week. I will strive to turn my grumbling to laughter and keep my spirit rejoicing. I will remember that "No word from God will ever fail." 

Blessings Friends!